Willie R. Tubbs, FISM News
ORLANDO – For about 15 minutes Saturday, CPAC turned into an odd mix of Protestant revival, Louisiana stump speech and the Blue Collar Comedy Tour. Sen. John Kennedy (R-La.) sounded every bit the evangelist and aspiring stand-up comedian as he elicited frequent laughter and applause.
The framing device for the senator’s speech was the phrase “I believe,” and while Kennedy might be accused of being too far right, he could not be accused of mincing words.
Kennedy, the possessor of a distinctly Southern accent and pace of speech, set the tone from his opening line, which was, “I believe America was founded by Jesus, but it’s being run by idiots.”
He rarely deviated from that timbre and delivered zinger after zinger that pleased the Conservative crowd and almost certainly earned him the scorn of people on the Left who already dislike him.
Among his more notable quips were:
- “I believe that you can’t fix stupid, but you can vote it out.”
- “I believe that America, unless we lose it, is the greatest country in all of human history and the whole world knows it. Let me ask you something, when’s the last time you heard of someone trying to sneak into China?”
- “America is so great, the people who hate it refuse to leave it.”
- “I don’t like to brag about the expensive places I’ve been, but this morning I went to the gas station.”
- “I believe exercise makes you look better naked. So does alcohol … I don’t know how that one got in there.”
- “I believe we don’t have a gun control problem. We have an idiot control problem.”
- “I believe if you hate cops just because they’re cops, the next time you get in trouble, call a crackhead.”
- “I believe that Arlington National Cemetery contains 400,000 reasons why you should stand your a– up for the National Anthem!”
But the senator’s speech wasn’t all fun and games. He advocated for parents’ rights to remove their children from failing schools, which he called failure factories, and for limiting “able-bodied” people’s access to welfare, which Kennedy said should be “a bridge, not a parking lot.”
Kennedy not only didn’t joke but seemed to be personally moved when he discussed the issue of abortion.
“I believe in life. I believe that babies don’t choose to die,” Kennedy said. “And I believe that we need to defend those babies’ lives … every single day. Every. Single. Day.”
Kennedy’s most biting criticism was for President Joe Biden, who he said was weak on all issues, foreign and domestic.
“I say this gently,” Kennedy said. “So far, the Biden Administration sucks.”
The senator was particularly critical of Biden’s record of dealing with international rivals.
“I believe that weakness invites the wolves,” Kennedy said. “Now, I don’t know why this is. If I make it to Heaven, I’m going to ask. But there are some people in this world, they’re not sick, they’re not mixed up, they’re not confused, it’s not that their mom or daddy didn’t love them enough. They’re evil, and some of them run countries. And all they understand is strength. We must arm for peace.”
Kennedy urged the audience to ensure that 2022 became a year in which the country moved away from “nauseously woke elites,” “the permanent Washington types,” and “the vanilla-soy-extra-foam latte crowd.”
“[The] water won’t clear up until we get the pigs out of the creek,” Kennedy said. “Help me do that!”